Two Orcs stagger to a bar and sit on adjacent chairs. The barman is busy polishing glasses and overhears their conversation.

One Orc turns to the other and says, "Hi fellow Orc, where are you from?"

The other Orc turns glassy eyes to his fellow and says "Mordor."

"Wow," replies the first Orc. "That's a coincidence. I'm from Mordor too." He looks perplexed and asks, "What year were you born?" His words slurred from drink.

"1970," replied the other Orc.

"Wow, me too. My mother's name was Marga."

"Mine too," the other Orc replied in astonishment.

The barman shook his head and sighs. A waitress asks him what is wrong.

"It's going to be a long night," he replies, "The Marga twins are back and drunk again."

Stupid Trolls!

 Two trolls are laying a new floor, hammering nails into wooden planks.

One troll keeps looking at nails and throwing them away, muttering "another one, upside down", each time.

The other troll stops what he is doing and asks, "Why are you throwing nails away?"

"There are a lot that are upside down!" His friend declared.

"You daft twit. Don't throw them away. Save them for the ceiling." 

I Am Not Happy

 I found a bottle, rubbed it and out popped a genie. 

"Thank you for freeing me," he said. "I grant you one wish"

"Make me happy", I said.

I now work with six dwarves down a mine! Not exactly what I had in mind.

 A troll stops at a farmhouse to beg to spend the night. The farmer answers the door and says "Sure, we can put you up."

The troll washes up for dinner and meets the family downstairs. Sitting at the dinner table are the farmer, his wife, their son, and a gigantic pig who is sitting at the table like a human. Throughout the meal the troll  tries not to stare at the pig, who sports three medals around his neck, as well as a wooden leg.

Finally, he can contain his curiosity no longer. The troll  asks "Would you mind telling me about the bronze medal around your pig's neck?"

The farmer says "Sure. It's really an incredible story. Little Timmy here was swimming in the lake when he got a cramp and started to drown. This pig heard his cries for help, busted out of his pen, ran to the lake, and saved our son's life. So, we gave him the medal."

The troll is amazed and says "Well, how about that silver medal?"

The farmer says "A few months ago our house caught fire in the middle of the night while we were all sleeping. This pig saw the flames, busted out of his pen and ran into the house, waking us up in time. To show our gratitude we gave him that silver medal."

The troll says "While I'm at it, I might as well ask you about the gold medal."

The farmer says "My wife was attacked by a burglar several weeks ago. This pig heard her cries, busted out of his pen, and chased that man far away. To show my thanks I gave him that gold medal"

The troll  sits in awe of the pig, who is blithely eating his meal with a knife and fork. He asks "What about the wooden leg?"

The farmer says, matter-of-factly, "Well, you don't eat a pig like THAT all at once!"