Saturday, 28 January 2017

Frayed Knot :)

An orc talking to a troll. "I ate two pieces of string and when I pooped they were tied together."

"Wow, impressive," says the troll

"Yeah," says the orc, "I shit you knot."

(Come on - that's good one :) )

Sunday, 22 January 2017

Troll's Wife Hit by Bus

The police showed the troll a photograph and said, "Is this your wife?"

The troll frowns and replies, "Yes".

The policeman shuffles awkwardly, "I am the bearer of bad news and it looks like she's been hit by a bus."

"I know says the troll. But she can cook and she's good with the kids."

Friday, 20 January 2017

Annoying Orc

A drunk orc walks into a bar. "Do you have any ketchup?" he asks the barman.

"It's a bar, we serve drinks," the landlord replies.

"Thanks," says the orc. He leaves and returns an hour later.

"Do you have any ketchup?" the orc asks.

"Look, I told you already. This is a bar and we serve drinks," says the landlord getting annoyed.

"Thanks," says the orc and leaves.

You guessed it, the orc is soon back. "Got any ketchup?" he asks.

"It's a bar!" says the landlord. "If you ask for ketchup again I'm going to nail you to the wall."

The orc thinks a moment. "Do you have any nails?"

The landlord shakes his head, "No!"

"Good. Do you have any ketchup?"

Thursday, 12 January 2017

An Orc Taxi Driver

An orc taxi driver is driving a troll to work when the troll taps him on the shoulder.
"What the...!" shouts the orc and swerves violently narrowly missing a dragon crossing the road.
He slams on the brakes and screeches to a halt.

The troll is thrown forward and nearly headbutts the windscreen. "What are you doing?" the troll asks. "I was only going to ask you to stop soon."

The orc looks guilty. "I have only been driving taxis for a day."

"OK," says the troll. "What was your previous job?"

"I drove a hearse," says the orc sheepishly.