Friday, 24 February 2017

Goblin Jokes: A PC Stance!

I was recently asked why goblin jokes haven't featured for a while. That's due to Political Correctness and I have had a number of complaints (two to be precise). Goblins, apparently, are shy, retiring creatures and it would cause offence to feature on this site, so for PC reasons I have not featured them for some time.

I hope I have not offended anyone by this stance

If you wish to alter this - send me your goblin jokes and providing that  they are not too offensive I may post them. Bear in mind some of the elves that visit this site are quite young.

David :)

An elf, a troll and an orc, walking along a beach...

An orc, an elf and a troll are walking along a beach when one of them kicks a bottle. Picking it up the elf rubs it and out pops a genie. "Oh Masters, you have set me free. I will grant each of you a wish."

The troll goes first and in an American accent says, "Trolls are misunderstood. I would like to make recompense to all the peoples of the land and so wish that my country's grain output (yes trolls do farm) was tripled so that we can feed the other races."

"A noble request," says the genie. "Your wish is granted."

"My turn," slavers the orc in a French accent. "My people are also misunderstood. We are not warlike," he grins at the other two, "I would therefore like a wall around our lands so that no one can ever invade again."

"A noble wish," says the genie. "Your wish is granted."

"My turn," states the elf in a decidedly upper-class English accent. "First, tell me more about his wall."

"Certainly," says the genie, proud to reveal his skills."It is twenty feet thick and made from granite. There isn't a single ingress and I have made it an impressive forty feet high. Nothing can get in or out."

"Great," says the elf. "Fill it with water."

Friday, 10 February 2017

Amorous Orc Joke

A young orc was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small ivy covered house.
He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient orc with a long, grey beard and yellow fangs. "I'm lost," said the young orc. "Can you put me up for the night?"
"Certainly," the older orc said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst tortures known to orcs."
"OK," said the young orc, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.
Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful, and had a fantastic figure (for an orc).
She was obviously attracted to the young orc since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal.
Remembering the older orc's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone, but during he night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old orc wouldn't hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy.
He woke in the morning with the feel of pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Torture 1: Large rock on chest."
"Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old orc can do then I don't have much to worry about."
He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: "Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle."
In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder.
As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."